i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
