so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
