no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
