i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
