Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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