my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
