i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
