Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
