Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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