Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
