I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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