I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
