I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
