Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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