Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
