a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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