i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
