He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
