I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
