It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
