it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
