Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
