How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You were trust falling into bushes
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
