Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
