Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I will die if light touches me.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
