there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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