I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
