but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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