i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
