oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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