so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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