ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
