why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
