thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i think i just naturally attract stoners
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
