How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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