oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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