Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
