i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
