Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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