your thong is hanging out like whoa
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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