Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
