Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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