So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
