Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
