She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
