okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
