my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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