She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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