I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
