bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
