i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
