Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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