Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's never too late to be topless.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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