My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
