At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
