my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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