I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
