he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
