So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
