I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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