My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
