bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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