You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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