guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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