yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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