I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just crazy horny about you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
