My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
