thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
