4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
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